Last week, the Wall Street Journal ran a Millennial vs. Boomer “Who had it harder?” piece. The article appeared journalistically rigorous in the form of graphs and sober commentary. It’s conclusion was that—as most things in life tend to be—the answer isn’t a neat soundbite that can be shrilly shouted on social media .

I’m guessing they ran this article because they were obviously competing against this very post that I already had begun brainstorming. Also, before we begin, apologies to GenX (and GenZ). But we know you guys are used to this type of exclusion by now.

How do Millennials compare to Boomers when it comes to being a dad? Let’s roll the tape:

Boomer Dads: After our first son was born, I took about 7 hours off of work. It actually coincided with the annual business lunch at Ruth’s Chris. Missing that was tough. Oh, and one time I did the night feed.

Millennial Dads: Alright, so I’ve got her poops and pees tracked right here and everything looks OK, although you could see this little blip from 4am-8am. Maybe we should talk to the pediatrician about it? Or at least ChatGPT. Good thing we took that newborn class, otherwise I might have to rely on my human intuition to raise this child.

Boomer Dads: I’ve mowed my own lawn since I was 7. Well, back then it was my dad’s lawn. He was too busy smoking cigars and talking about the army, somehow without ever talking about the actual war. Since then I’ve used the same gas powered mower, which I still use today as I hit 75. I believe in global warming, but not at the expense of this baby or my gas leaf blower.

Millennial Dads: I pay someone $60 a week to mow the lawn. Throw in fertilizer costs and all the other stuff that they claim we need, and it’s almost $2,500 for the year. I’d do it myself, but I don’t have the time. I’m too busy trying to find things to do that will make me feel like a useful man.

Boomer Dads: All my money is in real estate. I also have a bunch of cash in a storage bin buried under the deck. I have no clue how much my net worth is. It’s enough to go on this 3 week European cruise without sweating, but it’s not enough to consistently buy organic strawberries.

Millennial Dads: I have an unnecessarily complicated spreadsheet to track my net worth, which automatically updates by the day. I have my money in 4 different index funds, some in crypto, and some cash stockpiled to buy a house when the time is right. 77% percent of our monthly budget goes to childcare.

Boomer Dads: Stay with one company your whole career. They’ll take care of you. Unless the business affected by NAFTA. In which case you’ll be forced out while your kids are in high school, and have great difficulty finding anything that pays remotely the same. Your political leanings will be highly affected by this.

Millennial Dads: Building a personal brand is the key to everything. If you’re a great carpenter but don’t consistently churn out 15 second reels that reference Home Improvement, what are you even doing?

Boomer Dads: I bought my house in 1988 for $140K. Sure, the kids today have to deal with these crazy prices, but I had a 10.34% interest rate. I did this all as a toll booth collector. Eventually I became the supervisor of 12 different regional toll plazas. I’m not sure why all these millennials didn’t just buy their house in the 1990s, like us.

Millennial Dads: I manage the AI behind toll collection automation. It pays pretty well, around $150K with incentives for automating even more previously human-done tasks. My wife makes around $95K as a nurse. But all the houses around us are basically a million plus. There was this fixer upper we almost bought for $550K, but someone offered $700 for it. Our rental isn’t bad, it’s $6,000 for.a 3 bedroom.

Boomer Dads: Who needs therapy when you can just bottle everything up and then hold that tension in you forever?

Millennial Dads: Some of my friends are in therapy and swear by it. I should definitely do it, and all the podcasts that I listed to keep pushing BetterHelp on me. But also, maybe I could just go on a really long hike?

Boomer Dads: This meat from the Gambino crime family is pretty spectacular. I’ll never be more at peace than when I’m manning the grill.

Millennial Dads: These premade, grass-fed burgers from Butcher Box are incredible. I’ll never be more at peace than when I’m manning the grill.

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